[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Dr. Cassimatis,

Re:Mrs. Alison Martin (age:28)

✅I am writing to refer a 28-year-old patient with suspected schizophrenia who requires (your) further assessment. 

✅Mrs. Martin presented (a month ago) with complaints of not feeling good, fatigue, and unmotivated at work ,additionally (and) (a) low grade fever a month ago. Upon examination her vital signs and appearance were normal(,) so I advised her to relax, start exercising and (maintain) a temperature chart.

• “not feeling good” → “feeling unwell”

• “unmotivated at work” → “lack of motivation at work”

• من “a month ago” رو به ابتدای جمله بردم تا زمان ویزیت رو مشخص‌تر و واضح‌تر بیان کنم. این ترتیب، کمک می‌کنه تا خواننده سریع‌تر متوجه بشه که بیمار کی مراجعه کرده، و اشتباه برداشت نشه که علایم از یک ماه قبل شروع شده.

✅In (at/during) her follow up visit, despite our management, she had no improvement. she experienced (reported experiencing) loss of concentration, anxiety, headaches, and problems with (her) mother-in-law. she looked (appeared) sad and depressed(,) with (a) lack of eye contact(.) based on her signs and symptoms(,) I ordered (prescribed) diazepam and starting relaxation therapy with counselling

✅Today, she returned with her husband(.) although she had therapy, her condition (has/had) worsened. She had (is experiencing) vision hallucination, episodes of anger, lack of personal hygiene, abnormal behavior at work and depressed mood. During (the) interview she had little (minimal:more formal) eye contact with slow reactions and monotone speech.

✅Please note her family history is positive and her uncle had (has) schizophrenia

✅I appreciate your assessment of this patient. please don’t hesitate to contact me if you need further information

Yours sincerely

doctor

• لطفا روی خطاهای ذکر شده تمرکز و تمرین کنید

 

• Purpose: 3/3

• Content: 5/7

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• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 3/7

  B Overall score: (350)

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